Prayer Volume

So, since my equinoctial ritual, I’ve been thinking about prayer volume. Somehow, I’d fallen back into praying silently.

But, I’ve chosen to think of my gods as limited. I don’t know if they are, but… if they’re omniscient and omnipotent, where’s the sense in there being a Goddess of the Hunt if she’s equally the Goddess of Everything Else.

That means, though, that — with the possible exception of a “God of Inner Monologue” or “Goddess of Thought” — my thoughts must logically be private. I think the silent prayer thing is a throwback to my Christian upbringing.

Ever since doing the ritual though — when I chose to speak everything rather than think through it in my mind — I’ve found that spoken prayer seems much more powerful to me and it makes sense: there is no reason to believe the kindred hear any other kind of prayer.

That’s not to say I boom my prayers out, disturbing the neighbors at all hours. Just that I think the prayer has to leave my body, physically, to be transported through the ether.

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Vernal Equinox Ritual

The build-up

The Equinox snuck up on me, as embarrassing as that sounds. A student, who knew that I talked about the solar calendar a bit, made the comment “and next week is the beginning of spring.”

“Is it the equinox already?” I was genuinely surprised. I’d been putting off so much as I tried to get a few personal projects fully completed. (Projects which, to be honest, would never be fully complete. I have to accept that.)

There was a lot I wanted to do before this ritual. I wanted to learn at least a few phrases of secular Latin, to use in rituals. Aside from a few hours with my textbooks during the family vacation, nothing got done.

I wanted to start decorating my altar with seasonal plants, after really liking the way it looked with some found mistletoe. That didn’t happen (and it took me a while to clear away the mistletoe.)

In fact, I found myself weirdly lethargic about my spirituality as the equinox approached, a feeling I know from running — the more days go by without a run, the harder it is to get myself to put on my shoes and go, regardless of how good it will make me feel.

However, that’s a feeling I know — from running again — and I started collecting Omens. From my tree, using an App, and from the ancestors using my tarot cards. The Omens seemed to be encouraging me (rather than demanding) to do the ritual.

The ritual

So, yesterday I carved some time out of my schedule and cleaned up the altar. Then, rationalizing that writing out a ritual was just another form of procrastination (I didn’t want a “well, now I don’t really have the time to do it” moment), I figured it wouldn’t hurt me to do the ritual from memory. After all, it’s not my first.

That’s what I did, and I quickly felt at home in it.

I had nothing on hand to offer but some incense and praise, but I offered both (realizing that I should write about the value I get out of saying prayers out loud) and got a very encouraging omen.

I hadn’t even tried to line the ritual up with a historic Roman ritual, instead sticking with my new theme of living in tune with the solar cycle I chose to simply honor the time of balance to and to pray that the kindreds would give me the wisdom to find balance in my life, as well as the strength to pursue it and maintain it.

Finally, I wound the omen down and was already packing up when I realized that I’d forgotten to close the gates. So, of course, I did that.

Proserpina and me

With snow still on the ground, it’s hard for me to think that Proserpina has returned to Olympus. But then, if she hasn’t, I’ve resolved to be happy for Dis Pater, because its clear she’s returning.

I did ask her to serve as my gatekeeper and she remains the only God whom I feel comfortable asking anything of (though I’m thinking that Mercury, Vulcan, and Apollo are all Gods I’d like to build relationships with, as well as Diana and Minerva).

It was really embarrassing that I asked her to serve as the gatekeeper, and then I fully forgot the gates. But, I rationalize that these are the moments that form a relationship.

 

Imbolc 2018

So, when Imbolc was a way off, I had plans. Big plans. The way you do, when you aren’t responsible for implementing those plans, yet.

As it approached, however, I just wasn’t feeling it. I like the idea of constructing my own quasi-Roman holiday, naming it Februaria, and honoring the Earth Mother, the dieties of light, and, of course, the ancestors. But I didn’t really form any full ideas.

Then the day got nearer.

Yesterday, I blocked out time to do it today.

Then today came, and I let myself get distracted. Was I going to not celebrate it?

Sorry, kindreds, I’m just not feeling it today

I almost stepped in front of the altar and said some version of that. It wasn’t a holiday that resonated with me, and I could persuade myself that the kindred didn’t want forced praise and thanks, did they?

Then I remembered the word orthopraxic and I thought, I want to be the kind of guy who does the right thing, whether he feels like it or not. How often have I stood in front of the altar and said some version of “I praise you, for it is good that a mortal should praise the Gods”? Call it integrity — my commitment to be my most full self — that made me get in front of the altar and do something.

A spontaneous ritual

Spontaneous rituals seem to get the most emotional response from me. Even the rituals that I write myself don’t have the emotional content of me thinking on my feet. (See Samhain 2016) That’s not why I chose to go spontaneous, it was really because I almost didn’t do anything.

So, in front of my altar, I praised Vestas and got a good omen when I lit the candle on the first try (these things matter to me) and then, with just the fire and the tree, I proceeded to ask Proserpine to assist as the gatekeeper. Then, with nothing to offer but praise, I offered praise to the deities of light, beginning with Vestas, then Sol, Luna, Apollo and Diana.

Finally, I took an omen to ask Vestas for a bit of wisdom as I consider how to more genuinely worship her. I got the Knight of Wands.

 

omen vestas
Knight of Wands

I had a good feeling about the card but didn’t look it up until the ritual was finished. Then, I wound the ritual down, genuinely glad that I’d done more than just call it off.

The Omen

Later, I looked up the knight of wands in Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom and was well pleased. Realizing that Wands are the suit of Fire was nice. Here is the bit that gave me encouragement:

Because Fire itself symbolizes movement, the knight of Wands shows this quality in the extreme. He represents eagerness, action, movement for its own sake, adventure and travel.

[…]

Notice that on his shirt the salamanders’ tails do not touch their mouths, symbolizing incomplete action, unformed plans. In contrast to the King, the Knight has only begun his adventures.

That seems to be an omen that I can work with as I try to find ways to honor Vestas in my own home, at my own hearth.

Very few beliefs to be a witch…

In the process of reading Drawing Down the Moon for my Dedicant’s Path, I realized that there were passages jumping out at me and that I should probably record them. As I’m not blogging a lot here, this seemed a good place to do it.

This is from the end of a chapter on Wicca called “The Craft Today” and is from a letter that was written to the author.

It sounds as if there are really very few eiefs that one needs to be a Witch. In fact–correct me if I’m wrong–the only thing one really needs, the only thing all varieties of Witches have in common, is a belief in the power of what I shall call the moon principle (for lack of a better term)–that from which springs the intuitive, the psychic, the mysterious, that which is somehow aligned with the female, the hidden, the unknown.

This is a vague concept, tue, but I think necessarily so, for two reasons: (1) Our culture, being so strongly based on the antithetical principle, has few means of dealing with this side of life other than to clothe it in ambiguous shadowy terms or condemn it as evil. (2) Being so vague, it is closer to being universal than the more rigidly defined religions or philosophies; more different types of people, as you found, cann associate themselves with it.

As more things catch my eye, it seems to make sense that I write them down here.

Hazle flowers

So, after seeing what I think are hazle flowers in my local park and thinking “isn’t it early for them? What time did they come out last year?” I realized that maybe I should start keeping track of these things.

For that reason, allow me to present to your some hazle flowers, as witnessed on January 5th, 2018:

hazle flowes

Updated Solstice Ritual

I’ve been putting off getting ready for the winter solstice. The fact of the matter is, I’ve never done a ritual with the family at home (unless I myself was doing the ritual in the woods) and I’ve had family home for quite a while.

Nonetheless, we had our Yule dinner last Saturday (a full week early, but it fit social schedules) and I’d like to have he solstice ritual before my sister arrives this Thursday. So, in preparation for the Yule dinner I drew the two of cups and needed quite a bit of time to make any sense of it.

Whether what I understood is the same as what the ancestors wanted to tell me is not clear, but I wanted to make Yule as much about the Earth Mother as about Sol. And, so I doctored the script I used two years ago, to this final version, and hope to have the ritual tomorrow.

Connectedness might mean seeing things individually

Since my Samhain ritual, I have been hoping to see the connections between things more. And, yes, perhaps I’ve been forcing it more than I should.

My experience

My experience with it this far is that I’ve gone from seeing ‘a biker’ when I’m out on a run, to seeing ‘a biker in nice clothes, probably going home from work.’ And, admittedly, I feel a bit more connected.

The moment when I think I know what it’s like to just want to be at home makes me feel more connected to the biker, and, by association, the world at large. And, realizing that the biker is there for a reason, accomplishing a goal, makes me understand that there are millions of invisible connections (bikers, walkers, animal droppings) between seemingly unrelated areas in the city.

Reflection

Here’s the thing: I don’t think I’m genuinely connecting to anything more than myself. I mean, the biker could just as easily be on the way to a date, or to help her mother set up WiFi. I’m assigning an emotion and then rewarding myself for thinking “gosh, I know just how he or she feels.”

And, even the other ‘connections’ I’m seeing originate with me. I’m not getting out into the world and having inspirations. I’m just applying what I already know.

When I think about it that way, it doesn’t feel so much like progress.

Conclusion

The long and the short of the story is this: it’s clearly progress of some kind. But, at the same time, it’s not the finish line. I think I should read more to find connections that don’t originate with me.

And, as I pursue a feeling of connectedness, maybe more meditation and less ‘pure intellectualism’ is a good idea.