I don’t know when I first realized that I had both ‘open’ and ‘closed’ modes. I do know that, I was hanging out by Hofgaard, enjoying watching as his leaves — which had been nothing but buds for seemingly ever — grew on a daily basis. Stopping by to visit him was a joy as I could see from day to day as he grew.
But, something was stagnating in our relationship and, obviously, that something was me. At some point, I realized that I seldom thought of him as anything but an object. For me, it turns out that it’s hard to appreciate the ‘what’s more’ to an individual once you’ve started thinking of him as an object.
It bugged me, but I was reminded of a tarot spread I’d done on my relationship with Hofgaard suggesting that a spirit of ‘playful confrontation’ might be appropriate. So, I decided to rise to the challenge and found myself talking to him.
It didn’t work immediately, but I found that it was impossible — for me — to sincerely wish Hofgaard or, anything ‘blessed be’ without, at least momentarily, opening up to him as a person. So, I resolved to be sincere in every wish I made along those lines. (Not easy, because I only seldom realize that I’m saying things like “have a good one” at the end of my social interactions.)
That, coupled with OBOD’s deep peace of the tree meditation, helped me isolate what it feels like to be ‘open’ to someone, and I try to consciously do this as I run in the woods. (That means that I’m consciously open for five or so minutes at a time before being distracted by my own inner world. Still, I accept it as a start.)
Let’s hope it continues. And, sincerely, blessed be.