So, I had a bit of a downer for my Autumn Equinox. I had the day free from work (in the sense of leaving the apartment), which meant I could organize my time as I wanted and perform my equinox ritual on the day of the equinox. So, in preparation, I used my summer solstice script as a basis and created a script for this ritual. Then, after straightening up the altar a little, I got everything necessary for the ritual and set up. Finally, I washed my hands up to my elbows and my face before returning to the altar to perform the ritual.

One of the biggest changes I’d make to the script was including a straight up-or-down coin-toss omen on whether the offerings I’d made were accepted. I’d included this because I didn’t think that tarot cards were much good at yes or no omens, and because anything else seemed like it was simply assuming acceptance, and I didn’t want to make assumptions about the kindreds.

I guess, in retrospect, that I’m glad I did.

I went through the script, more speaking spontaneously than reading from the script and got to the omen. It was negative.

So, I offered a bit more praise, mentioning specific times I’d felt Brigit’s healing cloak around me, specifically, and other specific things for which I was grateful. I offered more drink and birdseed and took the next omen.

Negative again.

The leader of the local protogrove told me once that when she and her son were making an offering and the omen was negative, they sang. I didn’t feel like I had a song to offer the kindred and thought about the poems I worked on as part of my memorization project. None of them felt like appropriate offerings, so I offered a few moments of meditation, focusing on each of the kindred in turn, meditating on what they meant to me.

I took the third omen.

Again, it was negative.

I feel as though I heard somewhere that the omen is only taken three times (now I wish I had a source for that!) and so I told the kindreds I would accept their decision and ended the ritual.

Here’s something where tarot cards are more helpful than coins: they’re less specific, but they include images and keywords upon which you can reflect in pursuit of an answer to the question “why?” With a coin, there is not much more there than a simple ‘no.’

So, moving forward, I have the job to settle in for a few moments of meditation and to get out my tarot cards — which I had been neglecting — and to try and figure out why my offerings were rejected.

I don’t need tarot cards to think of some possible reasons, however. Some things spring to mind:

  • I have barely been doing devotionals on half the days, if that much.
  • My mind was very unquiet during the ritual. I don’t know that there was a specific reason for that, but maybe doing a more formal meditation (Headspace?) beforehand would have helped. I know I was constantly reminding myself to picture the open portal above the cosmos.
  • As before, I’d tried to spend the week leading up to the equinox living more in tune with my understanding of the pagan virtues than I usually do, and, as before, I didn’t do as well as I wanted. (Though I did do much better than usual.) I’m not going to pretend that the kindred care about this little personal tradition of mine, but I do think it reflects a lack of focus or discipline.
  • I tried to perform the ritual indoors, at the little altar I’d set up for my daily devotionals. Perhaps the kindred want me out in more direct contact with the Earth Mother.

So, moving forward, I suppose it was a successful ritual in that it helped — and, will help — me better understand my path. I’m going to try and embrace the experience in that spirit, though I’d be happier to have had my offerings accepted and individual, tarot omens from each of the kindred to meditate on.

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