I strongly doubt that I have laser-like focus. Maybe instead I suffer from TFD, temporary fixation disorder, which I just now coined and diagnosed.
The thing is, I actually have a reminder to write frequently stored in my phone, and it’s been telling me for a while that a blog post is due. You might think that’s a bit extreme, but I write mostly to take time in conscious reflection and I do find it helpful.
But, of late, I haven’t been writing. That’s partly out of a feeling of guilt that I’ve also gotten a bit sloppy about meditating and taking omens. What have I been doing with all my time, then?
That’s just it: I recently decided to try and write a program that will help automate parts of my work. More for the experience than for the actual benefit the program will provide. And, of course, I could have done a year’s worth of the work in the time that I’ve so far invested in programming, but I also almost never do this particular job because it’s so mundane.
I’m not frustrated that I’m programming so often. I’m frustrated that the problem-solviing aspeccts of it are so compelling and so rewarding that it borders on obsessive behavior. Part of who I’d like to become on this druidic journey is someone who’s universally engaged, broadly interested, roundly educated.
There is nothing wrong with specialization — at least, not at work — but one of my personal guidelines is to become more like the people I admire, and all of these are multi-faceted. In fact, that’s why I decided to take online courses in programming, to become a bit more broadly educated.
So, basically, I have an organization and self-control problem. None of that is new.
But, I have something else to reflect on: the summer defense.
The summer defense is something that occured to me while running. In the winter, I told myself I was going to turn inward, like Hofgaard does. (I used to post photos of him, I should.) In the summer, powered by energy from the sun, was the time for action. For doing.
And this programming project began getting planned — if long, rambling (sound familiar) Google documents can be counted as ‘plannning’ — in the winter. Perhaps, now is the time for the execution of the project?
All of this brings me back to another idea: perhaps I’m kidding myself. Perhaps I can’t ‘live seasonally’ and still do ‘a little bit of everything, all the time.’ Perhaps seasonal living is living in chunks. A chunk of coding, a chunk of meditating.
I don’t know. Sometimes, at the ends of these rambles, I come to a conclusion and am surprised. This time, though, I think I just feel like I should try to re-adjust my minimum for other activities, and allow myself to focus.